


The drive

by Tardisangel67



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, F/M, Gen, Guilt, Mention of possible death, Platonic Affection, SPN - Freeform, s12 spn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 18:07:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11879952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tardisangel67/pseuds/Tardisangel67
Summary: A journal/diary type description of how I imagine the drive to Washington was like for Castiel.Totally platonic, but sweet.





	The drive

We had been driving for a little over two hours when Kelly fell asleep.  
The child was truly pumping all her energy. Last night, for example, she almost passed out while preparing her dinner in our motel room. Every day she grows weaker, and I sit by her side, powerless in the face of her slow decay.  
I feel terribly useless when it comes to recommending ways to ease the discomfort the child is causing her. That’s why I’ve bought a few books on parenting. I want to learn more about babies and how to care for them, and despite Kelly’s child not technically being human, there has got to be some similarities.  
I’ve already read one, titled “A dad’s guide to welcoming baby”. Kelly’s son may not be my child, but it is as if. Since I felt it’s energy calling to me, I feel as if I’m compelled to love him as mine.  
Dean and Sam would say that I’m being mind controlled, but I know how the confusion of somebody messing with your thoughts feels like, and this is nothing like it. The feeling that has filled me is more akin to the sense of purpose I used to rely on in Heaven. In some way, it is comforting to have a clear and simple objective: protect the baby no matter the cost.  
But it’s more than a desire to keep the child out of harms reach. I feel a sense of responsibility towards this child. If Lucifer hadn’t escaped the cage by my fault, he wouldn’t have been born, and since Lucifer will not give him the childhood every child deserves, I will.  
I’ve used my phone’s internet access to locate an abandoned house in the north of Washington. I’m taking Kelly there.  
She looks so peaceful and innocent in her sleep.  
How awful it is…She never signed up for this… no one ever does. And yet innocent people like Kelly end up with terrible fates because of mistakes made by people like me. I mean, she was the president’s hidden lover, but how could she, in a million years have expected it to lead to bearing Lucifer’s child. This all could have been avoided if Lucifer had stayed in the cage. The circumstances, at the time, made my choice easier to accept, but easier doesn’t mean free of consequences. I understand that when I see her. I try to avoid the thought but deep down I know it… She is going to die. She will die, and it will be in horrible suffering. It’s too late now to change it. The child has already latched onto her, and will not let her go peacefully.  
That’s why I’ll do my very best to make the next few weeks as enjoyable as I can for her, and every night I’ll pray to my kin to let her into heaven once she passes. Her soul deserves salvation for all the pain she has and will go through.  
I slow down to glance over at her again. She’s still sound asleep.  
She made me promise that once she has passed I will take care of her child. It goes against my very nature to accept. A nephilim, an ungodly produce of a forbidden union, must be slain, but how could I not accept? How could I refuse to grant the dying wish of an innocent pregnant woman? Angels are soldiers, who follow orders that Heaven dictates, but I am no longer purely an angel, I could not live with myself if I were to kill her son like I had once planned. Faith, and purpose used to validate my every action, but now I have to juggle with my acquired conscience and feel deeply the culpability of each of my mistakes.

Oh father, if you hear me… She doesn’t deserve this.. I-I don’t deserve this…


End file.
